BEYOND FORGETTING

‪by Rolando A. Carbonell‬

‪For a moment I thought I could forget you.‬
‪For a moment I thought I could still
the restlessness in my heart‬
‪I thought the past could no longer
haunt me – nor hurt me.‬
‪How wrong I was!‬
‪For the past,
no matter how distant,
is as much a part of me as life itself.‬

‪And you are part of that life. ‬
‪You are so much a part of me — of my dreams, ‬
‪my early hopes, my youth and my ambitions – ‬
‪that in all tasks I can’t help remembering you.‬
‪Many little delights and things remind me of you. ‬

‪Yes, I came. ‬
‪And would my pride mock my real feelings? ‬
‪Would the love song, ‬
‪the sweet and lovely smile on your face, ‬
‪be lost among the deepening shadows?‬

‪I have wanted to be alone. ‬
‪I thought I could make myself forget you ‬
‪In silence and in song… ‬
‪And yet I remembered.‬
‪For who could forget the memory ‬
‪of the once lovely, the once beautiful, ‬
‪the once happy world such as ours?‬

‪I came because the song that I kept ‬
‪through the years is waiting to be sung. ‬
‪I cannot sing it without you. ‬
‪The song when sung alone will lose ‬
‪the essence of its tune, ‬
‪because you and I had been one.‬

‪I have wanted this misery to end, ‬
‪because it is part of my restlessness. ‬
‪Can’t you understand? ‬
‪Can’t you divine the depth and tenderness ‬
‪of my feelings towards you?‬
‪Yes, can’t you see how I suffer ‬
‪in this even darkness without you?‬

‪You went away because ‬
‪you mistook my silence for indifference. ‬
‪But silence, my dear, is the language of my heart.‬
‪How could I essay the intensity of my love ‬
‪when silence speaks a more eloquent tone? ‬
‪But perhaps, you didn’t understand…‬

‪Remember, I came, ‬
‪because the gnawing loneliness is there ‬
‪and will be lost until the music is sung, ‬
‪until the poem is heard, ‬
‪until the silence is understood…‬
‪until you come to me again.‬

‪For you alone ‬
‪can blend music and memory ‬
‪into one consuming ecstasy. ‬
‪You alone…‬